Shut up. Just … shut up. Please. For the sake of everybody’s sanity. You got a 94. Chill the heck out. I got a 37. I’m just happy I didn’t get a zero, and that I remembered to put my name on the paper this time. That was a hard test. You’re obviously a good student, you obviously work hard. So shut up. Get over it. I’ve heard you along with so many others complain about these amazing grades you guys get, and it needs to stop now. THIS HEATS ME UP LIKE A MICROWAVE HEATS UP A CHICKEN POT PIE.

Then you say “Hey, that’s pretty good!” Pretty good? PRETTY GOOD???? A 94 is pretty good; not “practically failing.” Practically failing is what I got. A 37. When you tell me that I did well, it’s condescending and patronizing. You are basically saying “Hey, that’s a great grade considering the fact that you’re dumb.” You got an above-average grade. And just so you know, I’m not here to praise you. I’m here to give you the reality check that you’ve been needing this whole year. FRESHMAN year. You’ve got four more years to “make up” for the passing grade you got. Can you please now stop complaining about your 107 GPA? That will get you into college. Maybe not the top college in the entire universe where they store aliens and spaceships and stuff like that. Who would want the burden of those responsibilities anyway? I couldn’t keep a secret like that. Heck no.

You’re not a failure, and neither am I. I understand that you think you could have done better. But really, studying for seven hours and getting a GREAT night sleep of 45 minutes is not freaking human. We both tried our best and deserved the grade we got. Wait, you didn’t try your best?? Oh yeah. You got a 94. You could do so much better. You’re a complete and utter failure. Grow up already. PS: you know who you are …