What is life? Rather, what is the meaning of life? For centuries, scientists have failed to give us an answer that isn’t numerical. But look no further, for I may have uncovered the truth. Some of you may have heard these theories before, but today we will be delving further into what gives us meaning.

Actually I have several theories, none of which you can prove wrong (or right). My first theory regards Sims. Do you sometimes feel lost or confused? Like you complete meaningless tasks but don’t know why? Have you ever gone into a room only to leave it because you forgot what you were doing? Don’t worry, this is just your controller leaving to get snacks. The game as we see it was designed with no real point, no goal for your Sims, other than for you to help them make decisions and satisfy their wants. But isn’t that what life is? Is this why I feel like a hollowed-out shell of a person? Could this potentially mean we are all Sims? And if so, do our controllers see us as Sims playing Sims? Are we breaking the fourth wall without even realizing it? And if we continue that point further, could the very Sims that we play with be exactly like us? Do they too, feel a sense of confusion? Are our controllers also really Sims breaking the fourth wall? Clearly, the evidence is overwhelming. We are all Sims.

My second theory regards books. We are all characters in books, and our lives end when the book ends. Do you sometimes feel like a secondary character in your own life? You probably are. In the book. Do you sometimes feel like your mind is running too fast for you to get the words out? That’s because you’re thinking faster than the reader is reading. Honestly, the real questions are, “What is my story about? Where are we going with this?” Because I’m starting to feel like my author has forgotten about me and I’m slowly fading out of the book from a semi-important secondary character to a marginally useful comic relief character. Is the act of me writing this adding extra pages onto the book? Is me thinking about this adding even more pages? Am I on page 100 or page 499 in a 500-page book? Am I currently in a paperback or a Nook?

My third theory regards The Truman Show. If you haven’t seen The Truman Show, the basic gist of it is that this man grows up in a town on an island, only to discover that there are hidden cameras everywhere and his life is a TV show that the entire world watches, and the townspeople are professionally trained actors and actresses. The plot is brilliant — almost too brilliant. Honestly, any one of us could be like Truman and have absolutely no idea. Except in my theory, the entire world is Truman, and some ulterior beings are watching the “Earth Show” with each new episode being a drama based on a single person’s week. Imagine; “Next on the hit series ‘Earth’ we’ll see an excerpt of a week in the life of Karen from Westlake! She trips down the freshman cafeteria stairs and Little Johnny sees. Stay tuned for more drama!” I think I had a dream about this. But it makes sense. I have an inkling that NASA is behind this. It doesn’t matter. All you need to do is live every week like it’s your time to shine in the newest episode of “Keeping up with the Earthlings,” to keep things a little spiced up for our viewers at home. Smile for the cameras!