The fear of growing up

In elementary school, I was never scared of growing up. In fact, it was one of the main things I was looking forward to. Now that I’m faced with actually growing up, I wish I could go back to days of recess and nap time. Now, you may think I’m ridiculous in saying this, because I’m only 16 and I still have a lot of growing up to do, but I’m finally starting to grow into an adult. I only have maybe five years tops before I’m faced with doing adult things like paying rent and bills. I’m not exactly keen on doing that. So this is my point of view on growing up.

I’m just starting that final stage of being a kid — the final stages where I can be reckless and blame it on just being a teenager. Now, I’m not a very reckless person by nature, but if I do happen to do something, I’d like to be able to blame it on that. Ok, but no, seriously. In less than three years I’ll be in college, and then I’ll be getting a job, and then starting a family. So many things will be happening so quickly I’m terrified that one day I’ll wake up and realize I missed out on the joys of being a kid. I’m finally starting to grow up, and I’m not looking forward to it.

Another reason why I’m scared of growing up is the amount of responsibility that is all of a sudden going to be expected of me. My entire life, I’ve been dependent on my parents, and now in three years I’ll be doing all of that on my own. Panic surges through me when I realize I’m going to have to depend solely on myself one day. As much as I crave independence, I’d rather not have to use my own money to do things.

My biggest fear of growing up though, is how much changes. As I start to think about my life in five years, it’s hard to imagine it without the people I’m around now. Most of the time, the people around you in high school are not people who will be around you as an adult. I’m very dependent on my friends, so not having them with me almost every day is one of my biggest fears.

All in all, despite my fear of growing up, there’s not anything I can do to stop it. So I’m going to focus on enjoying it as much as I can, while I can. There will still be the fear of all of the things I’ll have to do once I leave for college, but for now, I am going to focus on being a kid.